9/4/09
Douglas is a pain.
Been for a pint--
he says,
Mind boggles at the truth!
David does my head in !
He steals and overwhelms!
Jack is a true troubadour!
I'm putting on a brave face!
Today was difficult.
Did'nt go out,
So stuck with the memories
Of yesterday-
Like a film replaying itself,
I'm stuck on rewind/rut.
When I want action/cut !
12/4/09
pardon the pun!
Theres a hole in your plum !
Early to rise
Make mine a feast of bird pies!
Where I can touch the skies,
for one of your lies!
And feel happy again;
A Brubeck reprise!!!
16/4/09
A good nurse, like Amy, will buy you sanitary towels!
She'll always endeavour to put you first, even at her own detriment.
She'll laugh and lift you out of your depression.
She'll turn every stone over, until there are no skeletons left in your closet !
A good nurse? Maybe she'll or he'll be like Denis;
Calm in the storm, golden honey in a desert.
Quick to help, slow to temper.
He'll always have patience, for that his virtue in care may be realised and established.
I admire the nurse who does all this.
In my heart , I know he's informative / a friend,
In my eyes I can see him perservering,
and recovery for his clents, is regenerative.
In my mind I know recovery is his purpose.
To all good men and women, the skies the limit !
I admire the nurse who does all this, so that I may sleep easier,
have less rows with my family and be at peace or a place of safety.
With all the adversity, I say thankyou
So that there maybe hope,
And faith, hope and charity
are clearly our purpose!
With all the sadness comes spring-
Out of the strong came sweetness.
And what I really want is the love of a good man.
A man like my psychiatrist.
A celebrity male on TV
Lives life for the cameras-
is he in love with his own image.
Can I make the grade ?
The first time ever I saw your face,
Yourself is an ocean
Cleansing deep into your soul !
I still havent found what I'm looking for
The fundamental reason
in this poem, has been overlooked.
Saturday, 18 April 2009
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Monday, 6 April 2009
Sunday, 5 April 2009
Saturday, 4 April 2009
4/4/09
Lamb chop boiled stew.
Trip to Germany-Nena-singer.
Wiesbaden when 15.
Onions,cabbage, potatoes and lamb chops--all boiled into a stew.
Southern Germany-Wiesbaden, glass factory. First time I recognise myself, my purpose.
An affinity with the German girl of the family whose home we stayed at. Bought the German magazine like our Smash Hits come Jackie.
Bratwurst sausages, Dad cooked, in a casserole, fresh from the supermarket.
We walked beyond the village,through fields of golden corn and arrived at a farm house. saw a pen of big rabbits. There was a German farmer and his wife. I managed to talk with them, as I was learning German in school.
The farmer and his wife were welcoming, warm and special.
Dad drove the car along the Rhein river. I'd heard that sirens lured unsuspecting sailors to their end along the rocks. I knew a few modern day ones like Nena Hager and Nena who had a big hit with 99 red balloons !
Mum had to replace the coffee jug as theirs accidently got broken. Frankfurt airport was modern. The exchange family was staying in our house in the Mumbles, Swansea.
Mum bought me Kim Wildes album,'Water on glass' whilst there.
I had a great feeling, as I was not quite grown up and not quite teenager, I was somewhere in the middle and it made me feel great; as if on the point of liberation, like when the Berlin wall came down !
Lamb chop boiled stew.
Trip to Germany-Nena-singer.
Wiesbaden when 15.
Onions,cabbage, potatoes and lamb chops--all boiled into a stew.
Southern Germany-Wiesbaden, glass factory. First time I recognise myself, my purpose.
An affinity with the German girl of the family whose home we stayed at. Bought the German magazine like our Smash Hits come Jackie.
Bratwurst sausages, Dad cooked, in a casserole, fresh from the supermarket.
We walked beyond the village,through fields of golden corn and arrived at a farm house. saw a pen of big rabbits. There was a German farmer and his wife. I managed to talk with them, as I was learning German in school.
The farmer and his wife were welcoming, warm and special.
Dad drove the car along the Rhein river. I'd heard that sirens lured unsuspecting sailors to their end along the rocks. I knew a few modern day ones like Nena Hager and Nena who had a big hit with 99 red balloons !
Mum had to replace the coffee jug as theirs accidently got broken. Frankfurt airport was modern. The exchange family was staying in our house in the Mumbles, Swansea.
Mum bought me Kim Wildes album,'Water on glass' whilst there.
I had a great feeling, as I was not quite grown up and not quite teenager, I was somewhere in the middle and it made me feel great; as if on the point of liberation, like when the Berlin wall came down !
Friday, 13 March 2009
At the Fair wih Dave
7th May 2007.
Went to Singleton park with David, to the fair. Very nice time. A ride on the ghost train and a carvery pork roll with stuffing ! Finished Womens' Emancipation' painting today. Its the sort of painting, I'd buy myself, so I hope others will buy it !
If I'm moving I'll have to do 'Dog moon 2' soon! A bit of sciatica, left hip/leg in pain. We walked from Singleton park to Uplands. Its been a breezy day, sunny but with a wind.
Saw a little boy on the ghost train about Freds age. He smiled at me. God bless you Fred. You smart Kid !
Went to Singleton park with David, to the fair. Very nice time. A ride on the ghost train and a carvery pork roll with stuffing ! Finished Womens' Emancipation' painting today. Its the sort of painting, I'd buy myself, so I hope others will buy it !
If I'm moving I'll have to do 'Dog moon 2' soon! A bit of sciatica, left hip/leg in pain. We walked from Singleton park to Uplands. Its been a breezy day, sunny but with a wind.
Saw a little boy on the ghost train about Freds age. He smiled at me. God bless you Fred. You smart Kid !
Friday, 6 March 2009
19/2/09.
Hoover,
Passport,
Bath, Painkillers,athletes foot,
Hairdye; lighter, golden, senna
Toilet rolls
Sisters congrats card
Clothes; washing liquid.
Homebase for things;
Dustpan and brush,
Plunger,
plates,
lamps,
cutlery.
Ready Brek,
Vege burgers
More soap for bathroom.
Date
?/?/?
Memory card> buy
Johns for DVD,
Bath,
Burn CD for Jay and my sister.
I have hard stools,
making me really hard.
Constipation,
Short of breath,
cholic burping,
fits, temper and delusions.
I feel like other people can read my thoughts, am frightened, Voices putting me down, in Herd mentality, Other peoples thoughts and voices and actions , critical of me in the block of flats where I live.
Reasons for Patients Rights
I feel sometimes that carers are too personal, should I disclose my sex life with my boyfriend ?
If I always look at the bad, Its like a self fulfilling prophesy, the diagnosis'mentally ill' snowballs and before long , the skies the limit in degenerative conditions.
There should be a guideline about whats acceptable for the patients- a line you don't cross.
Embrace your difference, not reject it, people are unique and should be treated as such !
6/3/09.
A nice nurse; clear, straightforward, and kind,
A queer nurse; distraught, tempremental and blind.
All comes at you, like snow in March.
All minds made up on a concrete path.
Time, is it linear, chronological, cut in half ?
Or is it random, chaotic, a pattern like a
Jackson Pollock's splash ?
I feel sick at this craving; wanton, waiting.
I'm like a dowager, hidden away, lady.
Where is my middle ? Meeting of minds ?
They tell you to live and die.
Sporting a broken down promise.
I stand on the periphery of things,
And slowly get washed in by the
Divinity of dreams,
Made real after praying
For my family to surround me
Like a host of golden daffodils!
My Nana and Grandpa
Especially, in my time of
Need, comfort me still.
That knowledge, helps to
Complete my feelings.
Hoover,
Passport,
Bath, Painkillers,athletes foot,
Hairdye; lighter, golden, senna
Toilet rolls
Sisters congrats card
Clothes; washing liquid.
Homebase for things;
Dustpan and brush,
Plunger,
plates,
lamps,
cutlery.
Ready Brek,
Vege burgers
More soap for bathroom.
Date
?/?/?
Memory card> buy
Johns for DVD,
Bath,
Burn CD for Jay and my sister.
I have hard stools,
making me really hard.
Constipation,
Short of breath,
cholic burping,
fits, temper and delusions.
I feel like other people can read my thoughts, am frightened, Voices putting me down, in Herd mentality, Other peoples thoughts and voices and actions , critical of me in the block of flats where I live.
Reasons for Patients Rights
I feel sometimes that carers are too personal, should I disclose my sex life with my boyfriend ?
If I always look at the bad, Its like a self fulfilling prophesy, the diagnosis'mentally ill' snowballs and before long , the skies the limit in degenerative conditions.
There should be a guideline about whats acceptable for the patients- a line you don't cross.
Embrace your difference, not reject it, people are unique and should be treated as such !
6/3/09.
A nice nurse; clear, straightforward, and kind,
A queer nurse; distraught, tempremental and blind.
All comes at you, like snow in March.
All minds made up on a concrete path.
Time, is it linear, chronological, cut in half ?
Or is it random, chaotic, a pattern like a
Jackson Pollock's splash ?
I feel sick at this craving; wanton, waiting.
I'm like a dowager, hidden away, lady.
Where is my middle ? Meeting of minds ?
They tell you to live and die.
Sporting a broken down promise.
I stand on the periphery of things,
And slowly get washed in by the
Divinity of dreams,
Made real after praying
For my family to surround me
Like a host of golden daffodils!
My Nana and Grandpa
Especially, in my time of
Need, comfort me still.
That knowledge, helps to
Complete my feelings.
Friday, 13 February 2009
10th March, 2005.
Its a thursday. Had a good nights sleep. Listening to Joan Armatradings' Greatest Hits. Wondering what the day will bring. Nice, sunny, pleasant day. Got a period. Did a painting of a parakeet last night. Its drying now. Will do Jeans painting of glasses soon. Did parakeet with fingers, did'nt use brush. Need some more Fairy Liquid, and Jeans pearlescent paint. Feeling like more tea, to drink, need sugar. I havent read papers, last weekends, Sunday Times yet.
Hope Dad, Meg and Charles are all ok. Sun is breaking through, good 'ol sun.
Its a thursday. Had a good nights sleep. Listening to Joan Armatradings' Greatest Hits. Wondering what the day will bring. Nice, sunny, pleasant day. Got a period. Did a painting of a parakeet last night. Its drying now. Will do Jeans painting of glasses soon. Did parakeet with fingers, did'nt use brush. Need some more Fairy Liquid, and Jeans pearlescent paint. Feeling like more tea, to drink, need sugar. I havent read papers, last weekends, Sunday Times yet.
Hope Dad, Meg and Charles are all ok. Sun is breaking through, good 'ol sun.
Thursday, Feb3 ,2005.
Spent £70 on afternoon with Meg and Charles. Bought a fountain pen for Jeans birthday in March. Listening to Motorheads 'Ace of Spades'. Been to Uplands; a tenner bought me 6 pints of milk, 40 Richmond cigerettes and two plums.
Meg and Charles called at 4pm. Felt difficult after Uplands, so put on Holly Valances, 'Footprints'; mellowed me out again. Hurt my 4th finger, left hand. 'Capricorn' by Motorhead, coolest song ever. Given Raquel photo of 'cityscape by night'. She likes it. Framed paintings of fish,fourth frame smaller than the others and gold but without mount. Drew a pot of honey for Pooh bear. Found remote for cd player. Glued pictures of Richmond cigerette packets (blue turquoise gloss veneer) and respiradone silver packaging, restored collage. Thinking about putting the three fish in water paintings, on the wall, will need nails and hammer.
Spent £70 on afternoon with Meg and Charles. Bought a fountain pen for Jeans birthday in March. Listening to Motorheads 'Ace of Spades'. Been to Uplands; a tenner bought me 6 pints of milk, 40 Richmond cigerettes and two plums.
Meg and Charles called at 4pm. Felt difficult after Uplands, so put on Holly Valances, 'Footprints'; mellowed me out again. Hurt my 4th finger, left hand. 'Capricorn' by Motorhead, coolest song ever. Given Raquel photo of 'cityscape by night'. She likes it. Framed paintings of fish,fourth frame smaller than the others and gold but without mount. Drew a pot of honey for Pooh bear. Found remote for cd player. Glued pictures of Richmond cigerette packets (blue turquoise gloss veneer) and respiradone silver packaging, restored collage. Thinking about putting the three fish in water paintings, on the wall, will need nails and hammer.
Friday, 6 February 2009
surviving mental health
For the past five years, I have kept a diary to do with my mental health. I was diagnosed in 1989, at 21 with schizophrenia. At first I thought they had made a mistake and was picking on me unnessarily.
However with age comes wisdom. And I now feel a lot more accepting of the mental health professionals,as I believe they really do have our best interests at heart.
Battling with it, makes you a survivor. When all is fair in love and war, its nice to know someone understands and that there are others like you, who you can take inspiration from.
I plan to put a few pages each week at a time, of the diaries. So look forward to hearing from you soon. GE
However with age comes wisdom. And I now feel a lot more accepting of the mental health professionals,as I believe they really do have our best interests at heart.
Battling with it, makes you a survivor. When all is fair in love and war, its nice to know someone understands and that there are others like you, who you can take inspiration from.
I plan to put a few pages each week at a time, of the diaries. So look forward to hearing from you soon. GE
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