23/5/09


Sometimes, get angry with my boyfriend. I get irritated or narky. I love him dearly, but i wish, he was more in touch with his feminine side !!
sorry, for speaking my mind, in the previous blog. To alienate nurses and Doctors, is not what I'm about.
often you don't you don't know how lucky you are.when i was younger i had it all, now i have what i need. the last thing i want to do is to bite the hand that feeds me, i see the error of my ways.

I don't want someone there all the time, if you keep on pushing me outside of the home, I'll be your number 1 patient, first prise in the mental health show !

sometimes, I think they just like seeing you squirm [the community mental healt team]

either that or they enjoy taking the piss out of you.

They really don't know the aggro, anxiety and fear they cause; the worry.

They seem to be fairly platonic and neutral, but they are not specifying their care or role; they sit on the fence, whilst wielding a big dose of authority.

I feel helter skelter, I feel going underground or forgetful, I don't know where my boundaries are, I don't know where to draw the line.

I can only hope, they know what they're doing. sometimes occasionally things go wrong. Somethings were'nt planned or happen out of the blue.

But always you are centrestage,

an actress in a sea of dreams.

An anecdote.

I get dreams, like the ones, I've written about, in my diary and now, I've seen them on TV, like a premonition.

As faor the Mental health team, the ones you put your faith in, might be the undoing of you, how do you know they're the experts ? who knows you better than you know yourself ?

Also, living in a housing associtation flat , you don't feel at home, its like everyone owns your home and everything in it, is'n yours.you don't feel comfortable, at home, peace. you don't take pride in your home, like cleaning, maintainace and living. its not private enough.

your independence is not someone elses ticket to take advantage of you. --if you were my relative, i'd be concerned

23/4/09

Today, plenty of things happened,
Like cooking a cabbage, leaf after
leaf comes unfolded in your fingers.

Time after time.

\in me, I feel hurt, but I know,
I'm not the person, they're hurting,
Just a mirage, an image.

Deep inside, I know my own mind;
I've made it through,
I've left it behind.

So when they taunt with words so
Cutting and unkind-
I say to myself-
You too, could have been blind !
Blind to the excesses, the sleaze, the junk-

Always in a muddle,
Not knowing where to debunk.

and if You'll live to tell,
And know your own mind,
I'd say to you,
fayre thee well
Always be kind !

23/4/09

today, plenty of things happened,

like cooking a cabbage;

leaf after leaf,

comes unfolded,

in your fingers.

time after time.

In me, I feel hurt.

but I know I'm not the person

 static, is her womb.